Another milepost in change for me occurred Sunday night. I had vocal problems. I had been battling allergy related tightness in my chest for a day or so, and it increased Sunday afternoon. I'm sure at this point you're probably thinking, "AND..."
Well, for a goal-driven person like me, that's usually a big deal. You see, I was scheduled to lead worship that night at our home church. However, over the years, God has been steadily transforming how I deal with this kind of curve ball. To my own shock and amazement, I caught myself thinking, "Lord, Your power is made perfect in my weakness," and I meant it.
To really understand this part of me, I guess it would be helpful for me to share a little background info on myself. Music was the first thing that gave me a positive self image. When I learned I could sing fairly well, I pursued it and over the years, singing became so intricately woven in my identity that when God finally separated me from it (I had served as a worship leader for many years), asking me to lay it down to send me in another direction of ministry, it was like tearing away one of my limbs.
So now you know. The experience of laying down leading worship or even serving in a supportive role on a team was asked of me by Him, but let me also tell you how gracious our God is. He walked me through the process, helping me surrender day by day until the surrender was complete. But back to my original point...
"Weak" is one thing I have never wanted to be seen as. The funny thing is, I can remember quoting that verse to myself or to a friend who "needed to hear it" (oh my) but never really owned it for myself. Furthermore, I never realized this about myself. I was trying so hard to be strong in every circumstance, believing that version of myself was bringing Him glory...but I was totally missing it.
2 Corinthians 4:7, "However, we possess this precious treasure [the divine Light of the gospel] in [frail, human] vessels of earth, that the grandeur and exceeding greatness of the power may be shown to be from God and not from ourselves." (AMP)
There is it in black and white, "frail, human vessels" ...face it; our humanity is frail. That's okay though, because here's the truth: my strength is not what He wants. He does not desire "great pretenders" acting out a farce of their own prowess in the face of difficulty. He already knows that I am weak; it's time to accept it, even embrace it, for only in our surrender is He truly glorified.
And what of Sunday night? We made it through just fine, in fact, I had someone approach me afterward to tell me how much something I prayed between songs had affected her. Inside my own heart, it was just confirmation and celebration of my God Who really did make His power perfect through my weakness (at that moment my voice). And all He required was my surrender.
Well, for a goal-driven person like me, that's usually a big deal. You see, I was scheduled to lead worship that night at our home church. However, over the years, God has been steadily transforming how I deal with this kind of curve ball. To my own shock and amazement, I caught myself thinking, "Lord, Your power is made perfect in my weakness," and I meant it.
To really understand this part of me, I guess it would be helpful for me to share a little background info on myself. Music was the first thing that gave me a positive self image. When I learned I could sing fairly well, I pursued it and over the years, singing became so intricately woven in my identity that when God finally separated me from it (I had served as a worship leader for many years), asking me to lay it down to send me in another direction of ministry, it was like tearing away one of my limbs.
So now you know. The experience of laying down leading worship or even serving in a supportive role on a team was asked of me by Him, but let me also tell you how gracious our God is. He walked me through the process, helping me surrender day by day until the surrender was complete. But back to my original point...
"Weak" is one thing I have never wanted to be seen as. The funny thing is, I can remember quoting that verse to myself or to a friend who "needed to hear it" (oh my) but never really owned it for myself. Furthermore, I never realized this about myself. I was trying so hard to be strong in every circumstance, believing that version of myself was bringing Him glory...but I was totally missing it.
There is it in black and white, "frail, human vessels" ...face it; our humanity is frail. That's okay though, because here's the truth: my strength is not what He wants. He does not desire "great pretenders" acting out a farce of their own prowess in the face of difficulty. He already knows that I am weak; it's time to accept it, even embrace it, for only in our surrender is He truly glorified.
And what of Sunday night? We made it through just fine, in fact, I had someone approach me afterward to tell me how much something I prayed between songs had affected her. Inside my own heart, it was just confirmation and celebration of my God Who really did make His power perfect through my weakness (at that moment my voice). And all He required was my surrender.
1 comment:
Watching the transforming work of Christ in you, my dear friend, is an honor and an inspiration. Your strength is your weakness. The way you yield yourself to the Holy Spirit continually amazes me. Happy is this girl who gets to be your friend!
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